Sunday, 11 November 2012
Its 5.30am, and like everyday for the last six weeks I've woken at 5.11am. You see I have a ghost, not a cool kind either. If I had a old woman that at the same time every morning shook her coin purse ... not a enthusiasm ... or some other fright educing action I could live with that. I would 6th Sense her ass, solve her eternal struggle and close my squinty small eyes and sleep. But alas, this is not one of those ghosts. This is a spiritual ghost bound to me, you see at this exact time a little over six weeks ago, I fucked up, and I saw someone leave my life and never return, I knew the exact time because what else could I do but stare into the abyss of time and nurse every dark and flailing thought I had.
So why wake me everyday? Working nights the last week I thought had solved it but it seems not, well I don't have answers. Perhaps if I wake myself everyday at the same time I can train my mind to travel to different days and I can find myself where I need to be to save myself like a 90's television sci-fi? Perhaps ... More likely, I'm not ready to move on, I know it but am to scared to admit because the scary truth is, where do we move on too? History has a habit of not staying in the past, she likes to repeat.
How many goodbyes do I need to say before the only thing I get to say is 'Hi, welcome back, take a seat, keep warm and let us never say goodbye'
Being that it is 5.46am now, I can probably sleep again, thanks internet for being the only person I know that will listen to me in the cold, cold hours. As long as I can afford my bills you'll be my lover